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May. 19th, 2013 | 04:48 pm
posted by: shadymoon479 in introverts

I just got back home from helping my mom with a few things since she still can't get around that well. She is still recovering from her surgery. Well my mom decided that it would be a great time again to start talking about dad and how much she hates him.

Today is not the day apparently since I had just about had enough and I went crazy and started to tell her how I felt and how this was putting all the stress on me. She goes fucking crazy and goes on to how I wasn't the one that got divorced and apparently I'm not allowed to feel anything or to feel hurt. So I completely shut the fuck down and let her talk about all that she wanted. I'm very very very hurt right now, to the point of just deciding to repress everything, cause I'm not fucking allowed to show how I feel ever again. She said that I was holding a rage in me that would seriously hurt someone some day and that I needed to go see a psychologist.

I just don't fucking get it anymore. I just don't. I've tried to show how I feel and how much this is making me hurt but apparently she started yelling, "It is all about you isn't it?" and a bunch of bullshit..

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Comments {10}

onewickedgirl

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from: one_wicked_girl
date: May. 19th, 2013 10:18 pm (UTC)
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Has she seen a psychologist or therapist for unresolved issues concerning the divorce? I mean you can not necessarily be her sounding board...you have feelings invested in this as well.

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shadymoon479

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from: shadymoon479
date: May. 19th, 2013 10:20 pm (UTC)
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I suggested that she look into one and she just told me "shut the fuck up."

I'm about to the point of just no longer wanting to be around her or anyone. I'm about to the point of just closing myself all up in a tight little ball....

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onewickedgirl

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from: one_wicked_girl
date: May. 19th, 2013 10:27 pm (UTC)
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That's terrible. I am in isolation mode due to a lot of things going on so I understand you wanting to close yourself up.

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shadymoon479

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from: shadymoon479
date: May. 19th, 2013 10:32 pm (UTC)
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That is just it, I don't want to. I'm just to the point of not being able to handle the stress of all this anymore. My mother has put so much stress on me and tried to make me feel the way that she wants me to feel and I just can't do it. I know I need to be there for my mom and I try to be. It has been one year almost since they got a divorce.

I tried to get my brother last week to hush about us overhearing my dad ordering a mother's day gift for his girlfriend and my brother spilled the beans and when I tried to hush him, my mom yelled at me for being on the side of the girlfriend. There are no sides in this and she should know that. I don't know what her fucking problem is... oh yes I do... she is in denial and she is still in love with my dad but no one will take that move to you know... VOICE IT... Dad keeps asking me how my mom is doing and I tell him to give her a call and he says he would but he doesn't want to listen to her bitch at him and mother is using this against him now and saying he is turning her into a joke about the whole business of bitching at him.

Ugh... I've given myself a headache.

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onewickedgirl

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from: one_wicked_girl
date: May. 19th, 2013 10:42 pm (UTC)
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Oh yeah your mother sounds like she could do with some professional help to aide her in dealing with her pain. I hope you feel better and some of the pressure is taken off of you.

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Aura

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from: araminya
date: May. 20th, 2013 01:02 pm (UTC)
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1) Your mum is being really shitty when talking shit about your dad to you. Parents should NEVER do that, make their children take sides and listen to how horrible their other parent (that they love!) is. It's cruel mindfuck.
2) You are under no obligation to help your mum.
3) Especially not when she is verbally abusing towards you.
4) If you can't bear not to help her (does she have someone else that could help that would be IMPARTIAL in the divorce?), just do the bare minimum and leave as soon as she starts talking shit again. I wouldn't even look at her and say bye, I'd just leave. Should send her the message that what she is doing isn't ok; if not, at least you'd get away.
5) Because seriously, she is at fault here, you are under NO obligation to do anything for her (kids aren't supposed to nurse their parents, that's what nurses and nursing homes are for!) and she is treating you like shit. You deserve better.
6) You did right in telling her how you felt (although I don't know how you did it). If she doesn't listen, well, then it really isn't your problem. You can try having a calm, reasonable, adult conversation with her - when she isn't talking shit and is in a better mood - and see if it helps. If she refuses to be adult about it and take responsibility for her own actions, I would say wait until she is grown up. Maybe she needs to wallow in pain first or something, I dunno, but it's not right to drag you into it. Of course, she could just be forgetting that you aren't an impartial party. (If she is knowingly trying to turn you against him, fuck her and her mindfuck.)
7) I repeat again, you do NOT NEED to be there for her. I know it probably sounds cruel, but fuck, you aren't responsible for your parents!
8) You can't take care of her if you can't take care of yourself. Put your own health first.

If you want (usually really good) advice, may I suggest loveadvice? It's about intimate relationships, or has been while I've been a member, but I don't see why familial relationships wouldn't count.

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shadymoon479

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from: shadymoon479
date: May. 20th, 2013 02:34 pm (UTC)
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Thanks for the advice.

I have tried to talk to her in a calm way before and she just still refuses to move an inch in this matter. I am the child of both of them and that has been my point that I have been making and it just doesn't seem to matter anymore. She keeps giving me the same thing with that I wasn't married to him for 32 years.

I'm also tired of her keep telling me that she wouldn't feel bad if he died tomorrow. I know she would still feel bad, cause I called her out on it yesterday. I said that she was still in denial about him and that she still loved him and that she was putting too much stress on me by putting me in the middle of all this and playing with my emotions. I've already had one nervous breakdown over this, I don't want to have another one.. or worse a full mental breakdown..

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Aura

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from: araminya
date: May. 22nd, 2013 12:06 pm (UTC)
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Honestly, as cruel as it may sound, don't talk to her at all until she sorts her shit out. You do not deserve to be treated like that, and if she refuses to see sense and apologize and change her behaviour, just wash your hands off her until she's reasonable. She's an adult, she should start behaving like one too.

I sincerely hope you will do so. I understand it can be hard to turn your back on her when she needs help, but she's breaking you down! I've slammed the phone in my parents' ears a number of times when they have started shouting at me (or otherwise being unreasonable), because I'm under no obligation to listen to someone shout at me. Do the same. I think you'll feel better.

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onewickedgirl

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from: one_wicked_girl
date: May. 21st, 2013 01:47 am (UTC)
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I agree!

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Marianne E. B. Markham

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from: phspopular2002
date: Jul. 9th, 2013 06:25 pm (UTC)
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Possibly somewhere deep inside your mom's hate, she still loves him. If the divorce has hurt her so much, then it's like she can't let go of him.

It's just horrible about parents who project on their children like this. She really ought to wake up and to seek help before it's too late.

I also whole heartedly agree with araminya here. Distancing yourself from her is the best thing to do now. It's all you can do. The only person she could ever be in control of is herself. In order for her to get help, she has to start seeing the damage she's doing, on her own.

Maybe when she doesn't have anyone to rant to, she'll realize that she's not the only one who's hurting.





Edited at 2013-07-09 06:30 pm (UTC)

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